The Road More Traveled

An Open Letter To My Boss

Dear *******,

S.C.U.B.A. is an acronym. L.A.S.E.R. is an acronym. "Fax," however, is not. We had this conversation a few months ago when you repeatedly left me Post-Its asking me to F.A.X. documents. I explained that "fax" was an abbreviation, not an acronym, but you wouldn't believe me. When I asked you to tell me what it stands for, however, you were stumped. Why was this? Was it because the words "friendly anthrax xylophone" were at the tip of your tongue? Or "free android x-rays?" Maybe. Or maybe, just maybe, it was because the letters DON'T STAND FOR ANYTHING! Knowing that you have both a college degree and an MBA makes me fear for the state of this country's educational institutions. And just when I thought that you finally believed me, I found another note today asking me to F.A.X. something else. Perhaps you are a performance artist, and your latest "project" involves a restructuring of the English language and the creation of a 21st Century vernacular based on abbreviation and acronym, a commentary of sorts on postmodern society's insatiable desire for instant gratification and shortcuts, a statement about Ritual Mystification and the unintelligibility of language in a world devoid of meaning and continuity, a reference both to the potency of The Sign and to its inherent arbitrariness in relation to The Signifier. Or perhaps it is simply a matter of your IQ amounting to less than that of the Post-Its on which you are so fond of writing. A.N.D. I. T.H.I.N.K. I. K.N.O.W. W.H.I.C.H. E.X.P.L.A.N.A.T.I.O.N. I.S. T.H.E. L.I.K.E.L.I.E.R. O.F. T.H.E. T.W.O...

Love,
*********

PS- I can't "call the thearter" for you, because the word "thearter" does not exist. If you would like me to call the THEATER, let me know. Until then, I've got a very important crossword puzzle to finish, so please refrain from interrupting me again.

posted by She-Ra, Princess of Power @ 4:50 PM