Thursday, March 30, 2006

This Week's Look Book: Whitney Houston's Sink Fixture

The Look Book: Mr. Sink, celebrity bathroom component

What are you doing today?
Today I am waiting for the housekeeper to come and clean me so that little Bobbi Kristina doesn't accidentally mistake the "rock candy" for rock candy and eat it like she did last week. After I'm tidied up, I'll probably go out for a light lunch and run some errands. I'm meeting with an agent this afternoon- all this tabloid coverage is great exposure, and I'm hoping to pursue a career in acting. It's really inspiring to see how Hollywood is finally writing some good roles for bathroom fixtures. Did you see "V" for Vendetta? The shower stall in one of the murder scenes is my good friend Eddie.

What do you do?
For my first owners, I generally served as an appropriate surface for various toiletries, grooming accessories, moisturizers and the occasional wet towel. For Whitney, I serve as an appropriate surface for various narcotics, their accompanying paraphernalia, beer cans, blunt roaches, and occasionally, for Whitney's unconscious body itself.

Is it a difficult job?
Well, I wouldn't exactly call it difficult, seeing as though I don't actually do anything but rest immobile while Whitney uses me as her own personal chemistry lab. I have accumulated various dings, scratches and burn marks because of Whitney's carelessness. But they're no worse, really, than the various dings, scratches and burn marks that she's accumulated because of Bobby.

What do you wear to work?
Generally, I wear outfits like the one I'm wearing now. My neutral marble base tone allows me to experiment with a variety of accessories. Sometimes I wear Budweiser with a spoon and a dirty ashtray. Other times I wear a glass pipe, a mirror, a broken lighter and a light residue made of coca byproducts, tar, THC resin, and drool. I love to be creative with fashion. It's how I express myself.

With a celebrity employer, do you ever have any strange on-the-job experiences?
Well, once Whitney came in and started rambling to me about life, love, her career, crack...but her dentures were out and she was wearing a Hefty Cinch Sack, leggings, and one shoe, so I accidentally mistook her for a schizophrenic homeless person who'd somehow broken into the house. I threatened to call the cops on her, which would have been super embarrassing if she'd heard me! But luckily, I do not possess vocal cords, so it all worked out. Whew!

Do you have any style icons?
I love the work of AvroKo, Phillippe Starck. I'd love to move to New York and work in one of Ian Schrager's condo projects, preferably as the sink in a high floor loft with open views and all-new kitchen appliances. A fixture can dream, right?

Does anyone ever tell you you look like someone?
Some people think I look a lot like the sink at the Cleveland Marriott.


At 11:41 AM, Blogger Maulleigh said...

You are fecking brilliant!!!


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