Monday, April 03, 2006

Breaking News: Tinsley Mortimer Not As Blond As Before, World Reacts

According to an article about about New York Blondes in yesterday's Times, Tinsley Mortimer is no longer as blond as she used to be. Says Mortimer, "I loved being really light blond, but it was just super-high-maintenance. Now I have a little darker blond color that is easier to take care of." This is a very interesting development in the long and complex history of Tinsley's grooming habits. Analysts who track the subtle variations in her highlighter/toner ratios all agree that the repercussions of this particular departure from past coloring trends will be severe and far-reaching. In fact, UN Secretary General Kofi Annan has called an emergency meeting to discuss how this shift to a more honey-based color scale may affect global peacekeeping efforts and the overall political climate in the Middle East. Not since Nicky Hilton went brunette in 2004 has a modified hair care routine so profoundly impacted the course of current events. We can only hope that she does not also decide to switch pedicurists or start wearing a different mascara. Humanity may never recover from a blow (or a brush) of that magnitude.


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