The Road More Traveled

Wednesday "Meet Market"

The New York Post's Sunday "Meet Market" feature is truly God's gift to the singles pool. It's so inspiring, in fact, that I've decided to start my own version here. This is how it works: there is one "Dater" and three dating possibilities. I will introduce all four "contestants"and their very insightful comments about themselves. The Dater will select one of the three possibilities, and I will send the lucky pair on a date. Then, they will both have a chance to report back on the results and rate each other. Got it? Good. Let's meet our dater:

Meet Pete, an engaging 26-year-old musician who describes himself as "what the f*ck did you just ask me?" Clearly a born romantic, he enjoys plea bargains, open sores and other people's possessions. When he's not playing connect-the-dots with his track marks, Pete enjoys "What?? Leave me the f*ck alone" and "F*ck off, sod." Other hobbies include tooth decay, posing for mug shots and activating dopamine receptors.





What are three things he can't live without?
"Opiates, amphetamines and hallucinogens."

Pete says that bulging veins are sexy, as are sickly pallors and a pronounced lack of verbal coherency.


What's not sexy?
Hepatitis C and visible withdrawal symptoms.

"I once dated this girl who had advanced chronic Hepatitis C from sharing her needles with some bloke. I was the bloke, actually, but the point is, she turned all yellow and had these weird indigestion issues, and her doc told her to stop with the junk. But when she did, it was all tremors, crazy insomnia, panic, a total mess. I thought, 'I don't need to see the f*cking Basketball Diaries re-enacted in my f*cking flat,' you know? It was unbelievable. I don't think quitters are sexy, either, and that's exactly what she was."

Pete's ideal date would be a visibly malnourished woman with a flare for romance. "She would bring her own alcohol swabs/needles, a scented candle for spoon-heating, and a silky scarf for tying off my upper arm. I could read William Blake excerpts while she steals a handle of gin from the convenience store downstairs. A criminal record isn't a must, but it would certainly help."

STAY TUNED TO MEET PETE'S POTENTIAL DATES...

posted by She-Ra, Princess of Power @ 12:00 PM